Q: Introduce yourself ma’am. Tell us your name, what you do, your hobbies etc?
A: My name is Abimbola Ajayi. I am an Engineer/ Project Manager by profession. Married with one Kid ( a little boy). I enjoy reading books and writing. I also have a passion for creative arts.
Q: How did you and your husband meet and what was your first impression of him?
A: We met on Campus – OAU about 3 weeks after I got admitted as a Direct entry student to study Elect/Elect Engineering. He came to check up on me as per fellowship runs and we realised we had so many things in common. Festac Axis Connection, Yabatech connection and Feca Connection as well. My first impression of him was that he was well spoken and had a great sense of humour. I was also of the impression that he was very studious because we later saw each other that night at the library.
Q: How did you know your husband was the ONE? Did you hear a loud voice from heaven that said “Oh Bimbo, He is the one”. Just tell us the journey of being led to him cos sometimes leadings of the Spirit can seem far-fetched.
A: I knew he was the one by taking my time to pray and listen to God’s leading and direction. I know it sounds cliché but really if we take time to pray about things like the success of a programme and expect God to answer, then praying for a life partner should be a no brainer. I realised that over the next couple of years we had become good friends and there was the occasional visit. In 400L, I set some time aside to pray along with my best friends about my husband and future and really just asked God to direct me. I asked him to order my steps aright and to give me clear assurance and confidence not to make a mistake. It was a great experience and good time of prayer for me and my really close friends. Not long after that, I observed he became a lot more friendly and tried to step up our friendship to another level. You know little gifts, thoughtful cards etc.
I ensured I didn’t give him any special treatment then but also had to admit that I was beginning to look forward to his text messages and calls etc. He mentioned later on that he would have gotten a bit discouraged then if he had not also prayed about it and knew that God was leading him. About 6 months after my prayer time – I couldn’t deny that my feelings for him had grown and I was worried because I might be letting these feelings cloud my judgement. This is where counsel is so important and I spoke to a couple of my senior friends and mentors who prayed with me and most importantly advised me to trust that God had heard my prayers and if he wasn’t the man for me – nothing would come out of our friendship. I think the important part in this experience was that he was doing the same thing on his side – praying, seeking counsel etc.
Q: How has the journey of submission to your husband as the head been for you? Especially as a lot of women hate that word as it sometimes can imply manipulation on the man’s part?
A: This is a very interesting question. Just last week my best friends and I completed the study of the book of Colossians where the issue of submission was discussed. A Christian Wife is one who knows Christ for herself and is confident in her inheritance in Christ Jesus. It goes without saying that submission is easier when you are married to a child of God in every sense of the word. I have learnt to speak to my Father (God) on issues I feel my husband might be getting wrong instead of trying to enforce my opinion on him. I recall one day when I woke up at 5am and caught my husband staring at me – apparently he had not been able to sleep all night because he felt God nudging his spirit to listen to my opinion before making a decision on an issue we were considering (that’s why it is so important to marry someone who really knows God). In the same manner, I have learnt to trust God when my husband insists on decisions I do not whole heartedly agree with – trusting that he as a son of God himself would have prayed about it.
Q: How do you guys settle conflicts?
A: We are both different people . I am a “let us talk about it now” kind of person, he is more “take some time to think about it and cool off”. We are getting better at adapting to each other’s styles. So I give him some time to cool off and think, but he also will tell me specifically when we should sit down and discuss in the nearest future. We have learnt to fight against issues and not against one another. We give each other the opportunity to speak and we don’t count who says sorry first or the most. It’s not easy and takes a lot of conscious deliberate effort to settle conflicts but we grow in our understanding of what works everyday.
Q: What has been the benefit of a mentor or spiritual parent in your marriage? Or is it not necessary?
A: A spiritual mentor is necessary ( not necessarily in just marriage). The chances are, if you have someone you are accountable to spiritually it will feed into your marital life – after all our entire being is ONE LIFE. So we have spiritual mentors and it has been really beneficial. Mainly because you learn from mistakes they made and can avoid common pitfalls especially when they are open and don’t hide their struggles.
Q: How many children would you like to have?
A: (Laughs) two or three.
Q: Who is more prudent between both of you? And how do you guys handle your finances as a couple?
A: We are both really prudent oh, I think this is because we both know what it is to grow up in a house with financial strains. Since courtship, however, we have both been managing finances. He typically manages big investment stuff with my input. I manage the daily family runs plus offering or sowing/giving to people in need.
Q: How did you guys handle staying pure in mind and deed during your relationship?
A: This still ties back to having a mentor. For me, the fact that one of my spiritual mentors was open enough to tell me how he struggled to keep himself pure during courtship made me realise that we had to be extra vigilant and not just say we are “tongue speaking, demon casting children of the most high!”. We agreed on clear boundaries and wrote them down in our journals. It was really rigid oh- No visiting the other when they are alone in the house, no kissing (hian!), no sitting in the car for long hours alone at night. Of course we were tempted big time- but really sticking rigidly to those rules helped us. Acknowledging the fact that there were days when we were both vulnerable and deciding on those days to have long conversations on phone instead of face to face. I remember when he came to visit me in Kogi during service, the initial plan was to lodge him in a hotel but on later consideration (the Holy spirit will always nudge you), we decided he stay with a friend so we didn’t have that “faux ” feeling of privacy which could have led to many things in a hotel.
Q: What is your advice for single DIVAs out there waiting to be found and also for the engaged ones waiting to tie the knot?
A: My advice would be to invest in your relationship with God. God will never cast his pearls (you) before swine and so will orchestrate all things to work together for your good when it comes to marriage. I will also say here that if you are in a relationship and you can see the warning signs, you sense the Holy Spirit saying to you that this is not what he has in store- please seek counsel and follow God’s leading. Don’t allow fear to make you stay in a relationship with someone who is not fully submitted to God. It will make things harder. Courtship and dating are just a very tiny part of marriage – the real fun and joy is in marriage and it is only sweeter and better with someone who knows, loves and listens to God.
I hope this answers your questions, DIVAs 😘