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The Checklist

  • March 3, 2018
  • By Chika
The Checklist

It is no news that the desires of women change with each passing generation as it relates to the “ideal mate”. In time past, especially in Wakanda, sorry, Africa (lol), a man who could distinguish himself in competitive activities like wrestling, fighting, dancing, or work and skill will be considered very attractive among the maidens. But, these qualities mean almost nothing for the 21st century woman. Abeg, who wrestling epp? Lol.

However, as a 21st century Christian woman, our desires should not be informed by the world’s standards and terms. The bible clearly states the we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). Thus, we will be highlighting 7 qualities which can serves as a guide for identifying an ideal mate for the 21st century Christian lady.

His Love for God: Of course, this was going to be first on my list, lol. How else do you know a lover of God if not by how much he talks about his father (For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Luke6:45) and his activities in the family of God? He must first be a child of God because no one can truly love God if they have not accepted Jesus into their lives. Does He obey the leading of the Holy Spirit? Does his life reflect the character of a believer or is he just a talker and not a doer of the word?

Generosity: Although generosity means to freely give or share your resources with others, it can also mean showing kindness and concern for others. Does he show generosity in the way he sacrifices for his friends, family, and loved ones or not? A man that doesn’t have a generous attitude will ultimately not be a good provider of the time, energy and resources required for a successful relationship/marriage.

His attitude to work (Diligence): His attitude towards work is a very important trait to look out for. A suitable mate should be one that uses his hands to work and is not ashamed to labor (no matter how demeaning and once it is legal). He doesn’t idly quote scriptures of God’s provision without doing anything. He understands that the Father blesses the works of our hands. (Deut 28:12; Prov 22:29). He also intentionally and purposefully pursues the dreams and visions God has placed in his heart and does them with an excellent and diligent attitude.

Leadership & Submission: The chain of command in organisations refers to a company’s hierarchy of reporting relationships, that is, who must answer to whom. The ideal mate understands this concept. He understands the concept of leadership and submission. He submits to the Lord even as the woman submits to his leadership. A woman is safer when she is under the leadership of a man that submits to God (and hopefully a responsible male mentor)  as she can trust that he will make wise decisions as guided by God and his mentors.

Understanding of purpose: Purpose means the reason why something is done, used or even created. He must know “why”!! He must know why he wants to be in your life. He must know why marriage is a thing. He must know the purpose of building a family. He must know the purpose of Love. He must know the purpose of work and finances. This is because when purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable.

Integrity & Honesty: Does he say what he means and means what he says? Is he a man of his word? Does his friends and family know him as a crook or a liar? You must be observant whilst asking smart questions to know him better (James 5:12; Prov.10:9; Prov.11:3; prov.20:7).

Self reflection: Now, take a look at the qualities listed above. Do you possess the same qualities?  Do a sincere self evaluation and get to work on becoming a better version of yourself.

Although the list above is not exhaustive, it will be a blessing to have a Godly man by your side with the above qualities. However, God will expect us to work with Him so as to build in us equally amazing qualities that will be suitable for the amazing man He is preparing for us.

Thus, if having a man with the above qualities means he is a husband material and if the same holds true for the lady, in economics, an equilibrium point will be described as the point where a husband material finds a wife material, all things being equal.

                                                                                      Chika Okoro

By Chika, March 3, 2018
  • 5
The Man Of My Dreams
  • Jay
    March 4, 2018

    Great reminder. Loved mostly the last suggestion ie. Putting the mirror on yourself. Sometimes we are so hard on the other man not putting same measure of strictness or work on ourselves. It takes two to tango.

  • Nkiru Paula Ahaiwe
    March 4, 2018

    Thank you for the insight Chika, I particularly like “now put the mirror on yourself”… As much as we desire partners who are grounded all round, remember that God will not give his son to an undeserving daughter.

  • ade
    March 4, 2018


  • Enaya Emuveyan
    October 6, 2018

    Nice one Chika.

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